Here's Why You're Getting Bad Holiday Gifts (and Giving Them)

It's science.

There's a good reason, besides your loved ones not liking you, that you're getting terrible holiday gifts every year—and there's nothing you can do about it. At least that's our takeaway after reading a research article published in the December issue of Current Directions in Psychological Science (we're subscribers) where three social scientists pinpointed the reason for your immediate disappointment come Christmas morning. What, you didn't want that DVD box set of Lost or whiskey stones? The social scientists combed through decades of research on gift-giving behavior to come up with one overarching theory. Namely, that “when evaluating the quality of a gift, givers primarily focus on the moment of exchange, whereas recipients primarily focus on how valuable a gift will be once owned”. That's scientist speak for "your mom got you a bunch of New England Patriots swag and all you wanted was a PS4."

When selecting gifts, people tend to look for items that will impress the recipient or surprise them when they open it, instead of focusing on that gift being useful or even desirable to the recipient in their everyday life. Things like leather-wrapped stones and artisanal olive oil samplers might seem like a great idea to the person giving the gift while, naturally, they're garbage to you when you open them.

The study also points out that gift givers tend to focus on the price of the gift, buying several small gifts in order to maximize the moment of exchange, or choosing complicated gifts simply because they are more expensive. (Also known as The Christmas Candle paradox) It's the way a make-your-own beer kit with monogrammed high-ball glasses doesn't really get us excited the way a case of beer or a gift card to a brewery would.

So what's the solution? Good question, Aunt Jan. The social scientists recommend gift-givers put themselves in the recipient’s shoes in order to give better gifts—or at least consider which would be right. When in doubt, they suggest you stay practical and broad. For example, studies have shown that recipients value experiential gifts over material ones (e.g. a massage versus a back massager) and less personal gifts over super-personal ones (e.g. a Visa gift card versus a gift card to a specific store).

The most important takeaway, however, is this: gift givers should buy whatever the recipient specifically asked for. Studies have shown that unsolicited gifts are less satisfying to the recipient, even if they may seem more thoughtful to the giver. In short, science is giving you permission to keep making a list for Santa and covertly slipping it to your parents.

Up Next: 7 Gifts You Definitely Can't Afford

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